A Fictional Conversation I Had With A Friend About Coming Up With An Appropriate Anniversary Gift For My Husband.


Another questionable gift from one adult to another


Me: To come up with something special for an anniversary gift, I should have started more than twenty-four hours in advance. It takes me a long time to get in touch with my feelings. And then I have to try to purchase or create something that reflects said feelings. It should be practical, yet original. Useful, yet beautiful. Witty, yet brimming with genuine love and affection. Oh, and no repeats. Hmmm…

Friend: How about a wire sculpture of his face in a heart?

Me: One currently hangs from his rearview mirror.

Friend: Maybe a beautiful box that includes all of the things you love about him?

Me: Did it one Valentine’s Day.

Friend: Sounds promising. How about another box-oriented thing?

Me: Oh, like the patchwork box I made with thirty meditation quotes inside for a month of peace and self-reflection?

Friend: Okay then… You haven’t written him anything, have you?

Me: Short story, Christmas, three years ago.

Friend: Damnit! What about a watch?

Me: Did you fall asleep at the beginning and miss the qualification about “brimming with love and affection”? Watches, even expensive watches, don’t brim with love and affection, no matter what Philippe Patek would have you believe.

Also, that may have been a birthday gift one year when we were dating.

Friend: You could make him a scarf! My sister-in-law, Melanie, goes to this “Stitch-n-Bitch” informal therapy session on Thursday nights at our church.

Me: That’s a great idea. First, I can learn how to knit. Then I can travel back in time for the Stitch—

Friend: Melanie would LOVE that! She would even pick you up.

Me: (Silence) (A lot of it)

Friend: Jen?

Me: Yes?

Friend: I think you have a lot of options, especially with the scarf thing. You could make him the scarf or hat or whatever, but Melanie says the scarf is the easiest because it’s straight. And, this is so good, you could use different colors to reflect different periods of your relationship, like red for passion and blue for sadness and green for bills and stuff. Plus, you could keep a diary of the scarf and the group, like a biography of it that parallels your relationship with Aaron. Like, first you had trust issues with the group because it was a little bit outside your comfort zone, but then you worked through it (it helped that you didn’t have to drive alone) and then you got the hang of which size needles to use and finally you felt like the scarf wasn’t good enough, but the group rallied around you and showed you some really ugly stuff other people had made and proudly passed off to others, so you felt inspired to accept that you did your best and you knew he would love it because of that. What do you think?

Me: You know it’s tomorrow, right?

Friend: Yes. I’m just saying for next year.



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